


It's You Who Are To Blame

by OriginofChaos



Series: Songfics [3]
Category: Smosh
Genre: M/M, Mental Breakdown, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:20:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4604769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginofChaos/pseuds/OriginofChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's awful. Believe me, it's terrible. I'm serious. It's fucking awful in any way possible.<br/>But if you still want to read it, listen to 'The Dragster Wave' by Ghinzu.</p>
    </blockquote>





	It's You Who Are To Blame

**Author's Note:**

> It's awful. Believe me, it's terrible. I'm serious. It's fucking awful in any way possible.  
> But if you still want to read it, listen to 'The Dragster Wave' by Ghinzu.

“Ian, did I ever tell you that you’re the best man I’ve ever happened to meet?”  
“Yes, every time.”  
“And I will tell it once more.”  
Ian smiled and kissed Anthony tenderly. He loved those moments, when they were just snuggling and telling silly, but meaningful things to each other.  
“You can tell it anytime you want.”  
“I want it every time you with me.”  
Suddenly Ian heard an annoying sound somewhere far away and his heart sunk. He sighed heavily.  
“Oh no…”  
“What happened?” Anthony asked concerned.  
“It’s… Bye,” Ian said tragically and woke up.  
This was the worst moment of the day. The transition between his perfect world and the reality was always painful for Ian. He didn’t want to be brought back into the world where the man he loved didn’t love him back. Moreover, he didn’t even know that Ian loved him. It started long time ago, Ian didn’t even remember when. He didn’t remember when he started to see the same world in his dreams and started to live only to fall asleep. He liked it at first but the difference between worlds started to kill him. Although the only thing that wasn't the same was the way Anthony felt about Ian, these worlds were so different. Too different. Ian didn't feel happy anymore in his real life, he tried to sleep as much as he could only to be happy a little longer. But his lifestyle turned out to be the heartless bitch, and basically, Ian had a very little time to spend in his dreamland.  
Eventually, Ian decided to confess to Anthony. He was hoping that Anthony loved him too. He was waiting for the right moment for months. When Anthony broke up with Kalel, Ian finally made his mind but he didn’t tell Anthony about it. Anthony had a hard time dealing with the break-up, so Ian thought that it could only worsen his state. It was more than a half of a year since then, and Ian decided that it was the right time.  
After a shooting day he called Anthony to talk. He was really nervous but he tried his best to stay calm on the surface.  
“Ian, before you start, I wanted to tell you some news,” Anthony said cheerfully.  
“W-what is it?”  
“Miel and I are dating!”  
Ian heard a loud noise piercing his brain and making him deaf. He felt the ripping pain in his chest.  
Ian knew clearly that it was his heart breaking. There was no hope left for him. He nearly fainted when he heard those words. It was even worse for him than being kicked in the balls.  
“I’m glad to hear it!” he tried to smile as naturally as he could. “I’m so happy for you, man!”  
“Thanks, I’m really happy too!” Anthony hugged Ian and grinned. Ian still didn't hear him, so he could only guess what he was saying. “Oh, so you wanted to talk about something, right? What is it?”  
“No, nothing, never mind,” Ian smiled and left Anthony. He couldn’t stand his happy face anymore. Everything he needed now was to be alone and let his pain and sorrow sink in the alcohol, so he went home without saying goodbye.  
Ian couldn’t imagine that this could hurt him so much. He thought that he would be acting like nothing happened in case he was rejected. It wasn't surprising, after all. But for some reason the rejection broke Ian. Every time he tried to persuade himself that it wasn't worth anything, he failed. He started avoiding Anthony and he slept less. Anthony's face became a torture for his eyes. He was too happy with her, and Ian wished there hadn't been her, so he could make him even happier than she. Of course, he knew that he was already making Anthony happy, as his best friend, but it wasn't enough. He wanted more, he needed more.  
Soon after that Ian stopped leaving his apartment. He didn't appear in the Smosh house for shooting new videos, he didn't answer calls and texts, he didn't respond when someone came to visit him. Everything he wanted to do and he did was laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He had no motivation to do anything, even to do some basic things like eating or washing. The sounds around him turned into a constant white noise. The visible part of the ceiling became the world. It felt like a nightmare but he couldn't wake up.  
One evening Ian stopped feeling sad. Instead he felt rage running through his veins. It made him blind, he stopped controlling himself. He wanted to beat the shit out of Anthony, because he started blaming him in everything. He jumped in his car and drove to Anthony's place.  
“Ian!” Anthony exclaimed happily when he saw Ian on his threshold. He was so excited that he didn't notice Ian's anger. “I haven't seen you for ages! Come in, Miel isn't he-”  
Anthony didn't finish. Ian hit him in the temple, and he immediately fell unconscious. Ian smirked, shut the door and dragged Anthony to the bed. The control was completely lost, Ian didn't even know what was he doing. He threw Anthony on the bed and kissed him. He didn't care if Anthony was answering this kiss or not.  
“Your lips are so sweet,” he whispered eerily when he stopped kissing Anthony. “So sweet that I want more. But you won't kiss me, will you?”  
Ian started kissing Anthony's neck, slowly stripping him. The anger mixed with uncontrollable lust, which was remaining of the feeling that used to be deep and tender love. Ian's eyes became dull grey, they were glowing, but it wasn't the glow of happiness. It was the heat of a monster, something that evolved from his broken heart, something that forced the real Ian out.  
When Anthony was completely naked, Ian turned his body and made it stand on the knees to make him easier to penetrate. He found a lube in Anthony's drawer and started stretching him.  
“Fucking whore,” he muttered. “You should be mine, you must be mine, only mine!”  
Ian opened a zip on his jeans and took off his fully erected cock.  
“I will fuck you now, and you won't say a word, bitch. You deserve it.”  
He pushed himself in Anthony and roared. He started thrusting hard in him, holding his hips tightly.  
“You're so tight, you're too tight for a slut you are,” he moaned.  
Anthony woke up and winced. His head was aching after Ian hit him, as well as his butt. He was sure that something was wrong, but he couldn’t understand what exactly. His body was in pain, it felt like he was on fire. Anthony felt someone holding his hips tightly. He jerked forward to set himself free, but the hold became even tighter.  
“What the-” he muttered.  
“Shut up, bitch, I didn't let you talk.”  
Anthony thought that the voice was strangely familiar, but he couldn’t turn his head to see his face. He was foggy-headed, he wanted to stop everything, whatever was happening.  
“Stop it,” he begged.  
“No way.”  
The realisation suddenly hit Anthony. The voice belonged to Ian. He was being raped by his best friend. The head was clear already, but it didn't make Anthony happy.  
“Ian, stop!” he jerked forward again, but Ian gripped his hips tighter, and Anthony moaned in pain. “Why are you doing this, what the fuck happened to you?!”  
Suddenly Ian realised what he was doing but he couldn't do anything. It was like watching a horror film. He was still under control of rage and lust, and everything Ian left to do was just watching.  
“So you think you're the only one who can be violent?” Ian heard himself whispering. “So you think everything I can do is just being cute?”  
“What have I done?!” Anthony cried. The pain became unbearable, but Ian kept thrusting in him harder.  
“You think you're innocent, huh? You broke me. You destroyed me. So I will destroy you.”  
Ian pulled Anthony's body and thrust in him as deep as he could. Anthony screamed in pain and cried. Ian couldn't bear to see his friend being tortured, but the worst thing was that he was the torturer. He wanted to stop, but his body refused to be in his control. A tear slipped down Ian's cheek and fell on Anthony's back. He opened his mouth to say that he was sorry, but the other words left his mouth.  
“You rejected me, you threw me away, like I was something useless. I could make you happy. It's your fault. Suffer. Feel my pain.”  
Anthony didn't answer him, it seemed that he didn't even hear him. He was shaking in agony and crying, not because of physical pain, but because of realisation who was raping him. He couldn't even believe that something like that could ever happen. All these years Ian was the only one who could understand him. He was sure that Ian would never hurt him, he wouldn't dare. But now the faith and trust disappeared. He couldn't understand Ian's words, he was wondering what pain Ian was talking about and how he broke Ian. All that he could understand was the fact that Anthony was the broken one right now.  
Several thrusts after Ian came inside Anthony and slipped out. Anthony collapsed immediately when Ian let his hips go. Everything was aching and burning, as if he was in hell. He tried to turn his head to see his rapist's face but it was harder than he could imagine. When he finally did it, he couldn't see anything. His eyes were full of tears of fear and pain.  
Ian was terrified. He stepped away the bed to observe the mess he created. It was hard to see Anthony like that but he couldn't look away. Anthony was shaking, his legs were covered in sperm and blood. The only thought in Ian's head was: 'It's me who made this... It's me...'  
“It wasn't me...” he said out loud, his voice was shaking in rhythm with Anthony. “It... It wasn't me, I swear... I couldn't do that to... To my best friend, to... I'm sorry, Anthony, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you!!!”  
He ran out of Anthony's apartment, his heart was pounding hard, and the whole his body was trembling. Everything he wanted was to keep Anthony safe. That meant to him that he should leave Anthony forever. He couldn't let him live with the monster that was created out of his depression. That was too dangerous for both of them. Ian knew Anthony would never going to miss him after everything his other, violent self had done. That made it easier to leave his best friend without saying goodbye, but only for a little.  
Ian didn't know whether he should kill himself or try to kill the other self. But this was the new life for sure. The worst life Ian could imagine.


End file.
